Our earliest experiences shape our brains forever.
The environment and first interactions we have with our parents form distinctive characteristics of relating socially and coping emotionally for the rest of our lives.
In her book ‘Why Love Matters’ Sue Gerhardt refers to these experiences as “the bones of emotional life, hidden and outside awareness – the invisible history of each individual.” They are the unseen patterns of relationship that weave into our body and brain in babyhood.
Every single parent I meet has the same intention – to do well by their child. We all want to raise a happy, emotionally stable, resilient, kind and honest, independent person. The good news is that to establish the foundations of these traits, what a baby needs during the formative years is love, connection and responsive caregiving.
All too often, parents receive unsolicited advice and influence that promote early separation from their baby. While this advice is usually well-intentioned, it is often ill-advised. Attempts to foster independence in a child before they are ready can affect their ability to cope socially and emotionally.
Every babies primary drive is for connection, love and secure physical contact for as long as they need it.
In short, independence is born from complete dependence.
So, It is ok to hold your baby as much as you want. It is ok to feed them to sleep. It is ok for them to be ‘clingy’ and never let you put them down. Above all, it is ok to listen to your inner self and do what feels right, what feels instinctive. Because when you do that, you are hard wiring your baby’s brain for the rest of their lives through love – and that matters!
Alison Duff
Founder & Director
